It's morning. In your still-drunk-from-last-night haze you found your leather pants, smokes, someone whose name you can't remember and a partial bottle of Jack in what you assume is your hotel room. "Where am I?" you think to yourself.
You know where you are??? You're in the jungle baby! Welcome to L.A.
See, some people like LA because they think they will get a chance to see some young reality star leaving some pretentious restaurant with some other lame celebs. The hell with that!! The old hedonistic "je ne sais quoi" of the Sunset Strip calls to me, the same way it's called to generations of legendary rockers from Page and Plant to Poison.
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| Yes, you get welcomed by a portrait of Billy Bob Thorton |
If you are lucky, the place where you woke up to find your leather pants is the infamous Sunset Marquis Hotel on Alta Loma. The members-only Whiskey bar (now called Bar 1200) is a regular haunt of Slash, The Who, Billy Bob Thorton etc. If you are a guest or go before the rope comes out, you can get in but you can never have a camera. Most celebs I have ever met have been in this bar.
Say perhaps you are one of the Gallagher brothers of Oasis and you have been banned from the Marquis, then check into the Hyatt (Zeppelin nicknamed it "The Riot House" in the 70's) or The Standard. If you are me, you are banned from The Standard, so back to the Riot House.
Now take a swig of that Jack - hair of the dog- shake it off and hit the strip.
Grab some greasy breakfast food at Mel's Diner or 24/7 at The Standard and once you feel like getting your party back on, head over to see the my boys and Brits behind the bar at The Red Rock (Sunset and Holloway). Great starting bar. Sit on the sidewalk, people watch and drink some pints. You got your buzz on, so start walking down the Strip towards Doheny St. to the gauntlet of rocker bars:
The Viper Room (where River Phoenix died. Remember that?)
The Whiskey a go-go
The Roxy (Where Axl Rose filmed a few videos)
The Cat Club (I met Lemmy from Motorhead in this bar)
In the midst of this you can get a tattoo or even cruise the Hustler store. Across from the Hustler store is hands down my favorite place in all of LA:
THE RAINBOW BAR & GRILL!!!
I can not say enough good shit about this place. Everybody who was ever anybody in music loves this place and they can prove it with the thousands of pics on the walls and you might even see Ozzy or Bret Michaels in a booth eating some of the Rainbow's famous italian food or the even more famous Chicken Soup. I dream of this chicken soup, and it even got a cameo in the rock biographies of The Stones and Zeppelin. Amazing food, great shots, great rocker badass people and all to a heavy metal soundtrack. Yeah I pretty much live there.
If you drank at each of those bars, you are pretty much wasted and not sure where you are again. Get in a cab and go to the dance club in The Standard Hotel(entrance to the left of the main entrance). You are a real rocker, so this may be lame, but you are hammered and feel it's time you show Taylor Swift how celebs should really hang. It's a see and be seen crowd that is best in small doses. Get there before 1:30am though.
Pass out. Day 2:
Hangover brunch: get "back in the saddle again" at Saddle Ranch across from the Mondrian Hotel (Mondrian used to be cool but just for posers now). Saddle Ranch has the best brunch with huge drinks and you can score a free shot of jager if you ride the bull before 9am. Trust me, I have seen it done. Large platters of good breakfast grub and you are good to go.
Couldn't quite handle food when at the Saddle Ranch but starving a few hours later? Go to Barney's Beanery on N. La Cienega and Holloway (near Santa Monic Blvd next 7-11). Huge menu, amazing burgers, wings, beer pitchers and karaoke. A must-do for when you need a more chill, divey place or when you want to challenge B-grade celebs to pool.
Tonight is the night to check out the bars on Santa Monica. A lot of the bars are gay but also epic party spots like Fiesta, The Abby, Rage, etc. Really not your scene? Head toward the Emser Tile building, (east on santa monica). My favorite bar Is Bar Lubitch - strong drinks, soviet flare, cool crowd and good music. Get some ice cold vodka shots here and odds are you are probably on your way to see girls, girls, girls at Body Shop or Seven Veils back on Sunset.
This is a good starting outline, fill in with your own mayhem, new randoms you meet along the way and a few bad decisions and congratulations you are officially what the cat dragged in. Now, get your ass to LAX since you are rockstar that needs to stay on tour and finally bad enough to hang with Tommy Lee...if you aren't already doing that by now. ;)
If you prefer glam Beverly Hills shopping, Chili Peppers-surf and beach LA or the ultra-hipster flare of Los Feliz/Silverlake neighborhoods, please check back soon for other LA travel guides.
